Wednesday, February 21, 2007
In my own imagination 2:50 PM.
I've been in deep thought and considerations these few days. I tear almost daily because of the love i have for him....I expressed by grief to one of my friend Cherie...Who's also facing a break up scenario herself. I told her how much i love him and how much i wish he didn't react by avoiding me and other things. How i sob and stuffs. She told me, with watery eyes, and related the breakup with her bf few months ago.
I told her i'm really at a lost...Someone else likes me now, but i love the other guy...Then Cherie told to let go and move on...She says that it's impossible for me and him to be tgt, he has already gotten a gf...And furthermore, he is totally str8...There's no use waiting and waiting..There'll be no result and it's unproductive...
I agree with her...SEriously, but i wish that i can accept this fact emotionally.....I dont' wish to elaborate on how he reacted towards me after knowing that i actually like him..
THese few days, ive been forcing myself to let go and really really move on with my r/s life...FYI, i don't fall for ppl easily....Although i may be gay, but i'm not the despo and horny type....
Next, about my detestable, despicable, irritating father...I seriously hate him....View my previous post about sth about him...My grandmother, who's my father's mother, is already on her deathbed....Yet my father still gets money from her, urge her to give him money and agitate her...Does he even have that bit of conscience? He is already 50 yrs old and still so immatured and unthoughtful...Well, he doesn't wanna work to earn money. That's bad enough...Now he stays home all day and drowns in alcohol with his friends at the coffee shop EVERYDAY without fail, smoke like hell, and ''works'' as a full-time freeloader...It's because my grandmother is gg anytime that i don't wanna make her sad or anything...Everyone is putting that effort to please the dying old lady except for him...He's making things worse...Seriously i dunno why such people still exists...They should be exempted from the world, this helps in saving resources..They're not only doing nothing to salvage the dying earth, but they're spoiling it by smoking, being a freeloader, creating problems etc etc....How i wish God would excuse killing as a sin when u kill somebody for everyone's good..Seriously if my God and the law accept such, i would have killed my father.....It sounds cruel, but when you see him in a non-sober mode, you'll immediately know that he's a useless freak, incorrigible drinker, source of family angst.....
Anyway, i am very very disappointed and sad with a student of mine, Thomas.....When i teach him and he learns sth, he glorifies me...But jsut because of his mere wilfullness- by doing last minute cancellation of lessons for the past few months. And then in Oct last yr, he cancelled lesson 4times in a row and gave lame excuses...I felt pissed..I've alr tolerated him...But he still insisted on being wilfull...Then we didn't contact for some time and stopped talking about lessons when we see each other in sch...Now, he wants a refund for the money which he missed the lesson for..Eh pls...No such thing alright....When you go and study in a music sch, and u skip lesson whether with an appropriate reason or not, there goes your money...You can't expect people to give you a make up lesson jsut because u do things the way you want.....
I think the way Thomas behaved and prioritized his schedule simply irks me, and makes me feel that he's filled with immaturity...Worse still, wheni refuse to refund him, he blackmailed me and said he's gg to bring this matter up to the school authority...OMG...This is simply ridiculous .. The school has got no correlation with this matter, and furthermore it's my personal business which the school has got no right to interfere...SO if he really complain to the sch he's the one who's gg to lose out...Now iv'e seen through the facade which he put on....Perhaps, i should be more careful and firm with my business..It's either you win or the other party wins and pins you down...Jsut like in a war. it's either ur enemy dies or u say bye bye to the world....
Join ME in my imagination. |
