Monday, October 16, 2006
In my own imagination 8:36 PM.
Firstly, results are damn disastrous...I passed my english. I got a B4, Chi, probably the same. Combined science i got B3. POA, can you imagine, i actually got 7/100.... It's not a catastrophe or surprise. I expected that. When you come to this level, and you don't understand a single shit about that particular subject, you're done for. Every subject has its individual technique to do well and understand.
For FNN, i managed to pass for the End of Yr exams but i must have failed overall..
Unless my coursework pull my marks up, if not it's a fail. For literature, although this is my first time getting a pass, i feel very happy to see the tremendous and incredible improvement in this subject. I'm starting to understand this subject. For SS, i'm utterly disappointed. I did study for it. But in the end, i still failed the SS exam. *sigh
Although my results aren't fantastic, but i still managed to get the promotion to sec4. After seeing what i've done in this one year, and reflecting it upon my academic results, i found that i really have to put in effort to study for O levels already. It's just less than a Year away. And for this one year, it'll just fly pass without notice.
I don't wanna have any regrets for not studying well. I find it damn hilarious and ridiculous. What!, Regret not excelling in academics!? What a joke!...This is the response that will come cross my mind if i don't do well(touch wood) and regret after that.
However, if we do not have a proper principle in life, a proper discipline and Self-awareness, no matter how well we do in our acedemics we'll still be a failure in life. Because if we wanna be successful , study for ur life and not for examinations.
Just take my father for example. He was a consistant top scorer since primary school to Poly...He got a good job with a good pay and reputation. But that was due to his good self-discipline and good academic results. After a while, he commited crimes due to temptations. He had the money, but it was used up on these crimes. He went into deep addiction, and he made himself hopeless. Now, from a top examination scorer to a Person with a stable and gd job, then to somebody(now) a shameless free-loader who laze his time away everyday, drowning himself in the depth of alcohol and boredom. He's already nearing 50 and still doing this. He gets drunk everyday and stretch out his stinky hand towards my grandmother for money. Why can't he just have some dignity? Earn his own money and use it..Why don't he go find a job? It's not that he can't find a job. But the reason is that his defination of a Job, is too high for his capabilities. Of course he cant get a job. After getting out of jail, he got a job as a cleaning supervisor. I won't despise him even if he becomes a cleaning supervisor again, neither will i complain, because i take care of myself. But why must he expect such high pay and easy jobs if he himself shattered his own life? Why must he make others be responsible of his own well-being when he's capable of working? Why must he be a freaking free-loader and always get his friends to pay for his drinks(alcohol)?
A few weeks ago, my music teacher was telling me how i could get inspirations to write a song. She was telling me to write a song for my Aunt(godma) who has been taking care of me all these years. I told her, i may not be able to do that. I'm not a person who's very opened and direct with my feelings. I usually don't show my love but the one whom i love can feel the love i have. Be it family love or r/s.
Then, my music teacher said i can write a song for my FATHER..PLS! NEVER! She knows that i hate him. She said ''Maybe u may think, PUI!, but just show it to him and he'll be touched'' Pls, why must i make him touched? i Don't even love him now. Ya, you may say i'm a jerk for being unappreciative that he brought me to this world. But, he didn't even bother to take care of me from the start of my birth. Well, perhaps he had his reasons at that time. But that's bad enough. When i was 2 yr old , you know what the hell he did? He spiked my mother's drink and while she's asleep he stole her ATM card and withdrew all the money.
He had the intention of doing so ever since my mother got her ATM card. He opened the letter sending the card and took down the password. Although my mum found out, but she can't change it because at that time technology wasn't high enough for changing of passwords.
After stealing my mum's ATM card, my father went to the bank and withdrew all the money which was meant for my baby products at that time. He used that money to indulge in drugs.
What kind of father is this. He met with an accident last year.. He should have died man. Then there'll be much less problems now...
Can't he just die now? More peace. Next will be my stupid cousin. He should die also.
My grandmother is dying soon. Although i can't bear to, but she have to leave soon.
After she goes, my father go, then the hse wil be left with me and my another distant aunt. By the time, she would have shifted back to her own flat. Then i will be alone in this house. Leading a good life. Good what. Live alone. No disturbance. Freedom. I can do what i want at home. Rather than living in such a noisy house. With so many problems. CRAP!!
Join ME in my imagination. |
