Thursday, September 21, 2006
In my own imagination 10:37 PM.
Didn't manage to come online and update my blog yesterday. Mainly because my cousin came and was playing the comp for hours and hours. Well, i hate him. I let him use the comp is because i do not wish to aggravate the grudge between us. And he's already 23 yrs old pls. If i forbid him from using the comp, he will go rouund complaining and acting innocent. I really don't understand this freak man. He's a fucking sick animal. I hate it. He used to live with me for 6 years. Imagine i actually tolerated an asshole for 6 years. Of course i hate him for reasons. He created alot of problems for us. His incorrigible behavior, his selffishess, his evil thinking, his psychotic mind, his acting(which i think sux). But the moment he pretend to tear, most people will sympatise him. Just because he's good looking. I hate to admit it but it's a true fact that he's good looking. Well, i'm gay. And i only see him as my Visual-sex satisfactor.
That's why i say, looks is very important. When a person is gd looking and acts innocent or cry, he/she will look cute and it can control another person's mind easily. And i simply hate it...I just hate it. I am not cute, i am not handsome. In fact, i'm ugly...Ugly like hell..Scrolll down my entries u will see my pic. And u will see how ugly am i. I'm being discriminated because of my ugly looks at the Talent agency last time. Those people whom have great looks, they need not approach people and people will just approach them to makes friends with them. I have seen so many. For me, no one will come and initiate to break the ice with me. It's always that i have to go to them, and it's always that after the introduction they won't have the desire to speak further with me. So it's equals to *ice not being broken* I knowthat i will never attract anyone. I can never make anyone love me truthfully. Because of my greatly negatively tremendously faggotic, ugly look. Yes i am tall. I am 1.85m tall. But it doesn't boost my appearance. Infact, if my face if so gross, and i have such a tall statue, it'll make me look disgusting.
Today went to Mac with my friends after school. There wasn't enough seats. So it had to sit with this gal. She's my ex-classmate. When i sat beside her, she said in mandarin ''Go away la..U very big sized u noe dun sit with me la.'' Then the other one didn't want to hurt me so much and said '' erm, bcos when i study at MAC i use alot of space, so go to the other side'' So i was saying to myself, ''ok fine, blame it on my looks.'' When the other friend, guy, very handsome, sit there, they didn't say anything. I know i'm disgusting alright. And i had to go to the other side and sit alone. haiz...My looks is grounding me down so hard. I just can't accept it, I just can't. I'm just bad looking to the core, Bad looking and ugly that no one wants me. I don't yearn for any fucking sympathy. But i just want a fair treatment despite my looks. Now, i'll smile less, i'll talk less. I reflected that no matter how comedic i can get, it jsut won't boost my looks. It'll add on to the pucking feeling to people when they see me. So, don't see my face. OR else u will be able to save up your money on meals for days. Bcos my face will disgust u so much that it kills your appetite.
There was once when a gal told me that she can't eat sitting in front of me face to face in a double seat table because my face is too gross. Immediately, tears was filling up my tear glands, but i knew i had to hold back. I just laughed it off and sat to the other side. But deep inside me, i'm feeling very very down. Very very inferior....I felt that my heart sunk down to my feet. And molten lead was palpitating my whole inner self. I found a difficulty in living through this. I know that i must, but it's really forcing my back that i can't help it but to give up on my apperance and just cry over it.
So people who are borned gd looking, appreciate what god had given you, you are borned lucky. Be a gd human being. Don't be like my cousin, having a good outlook but his inner persona contradicts with his outer appearance. Irony!
I feel like crying now...I'm gg to end here....I want to cry, i need to cry. I need to cry over this upsetting fact which fell upon me. Which forbidded me from proggressing further in my artistry life. I'm somebody of substance, yet i'm getting nowhere because of my looks. I just hate it..Simply hate it.
Join ME in my imagination. |
