Monday, August 21, 2006
In my own imagination 10:30 PM.
Well, it's rather surprising for me to post up any joyous event. Well, if something really motivates me and reflect positively on my capacity, then i will find it worthy for joy. If not i will usually allow it to just pass my life without giving a damn about it.
And the thing which i felt happy today was, i got back my english papers. And when my teacher told us that the top scorer was from our class, the whole class was surprised. But never did a single one of us thought that that person who topped the whole level is actually ME. When my teacher announced my name, everyone was literally shocked. Well, i found it motivating, and just felt abit of happiness. It wasn't a tremendous achievement, but it was a great news for me.
Next, i'm going to talk about this particular relieve teacher who came in to relieve in my school for this term. He's cute, and sweet, funny and i really enjoy mixing with him. Well, the good thing is, he just live opposite me. So every morning we'll go to school together. Well, it's going to sound sorrowful now.
Like most people, i hate parting with the person i enjoy spending time with. At first, the MOE actually arranged for him in a way that he will teach in my school until the end of the year and then he'll start teaching as a teacher in a primary school. Means a tranfer of school. So i was rather glad. Although he doesn't teach my class, but i just feel contented to see him daily. He gave me the light of joy and hope. The purpose of going to school. Well, it seems that i'm going to school because of someone else.
Then 2 weeks back he told me he's leaving after this term. Tears were drawn to my eyes. I had to fight back the heart pain everytime. I mean, to some people it sounds quite gross. When i'm a male and he's also a male. I mean, tear for what? I myself is not very conscious of why was i at the verge of crying. Sub-consciously, i really don't know if this is what we always call love or affection.
Just now when we came home together, i really didn't know what to say. It's perhaps a kind of phenomenon. A kind of inner feeling. Which is making me at a loss of words. But i know i can't remain like this. It'll seem too obvious to him. Well, i know it's impossible for us to be together. Furthermore, he's straight. But, so long as i get to see him often, from a corner, get to talk to him, i will feel happy. But now, i know we can't be together, i know i should be more open-minded and not so naive. I know all these. I can face all these principles of morality without problems, but i have not the strength and capabilities to fight back my inner feelings.
I really don't know how will i react on the last day of his work at school. Well, i will probably skip school that day. I don't wanna show others the weak side of me. I don't wanna risk my emotions of bursting into tears. And i don't wanna scare him. I also won't want to be in school, waiting for the time to come that he'll leave the school. And not seeing him walking around and talking cock with us. As this event flashes in my mind, i hope it's not as bad as how i predicted.
Join ME in my imagination. |
