Friday, August 25, 2006
In my own imagination 12:04 AM.
haiz....I really feel that i need a guy by my side. When there are times when you feel lonely, and you need somebody to talk to, when there were times when you really need somebody by your side, to give you some warmth and comfort. Well, from young, i do not have any parental love. Or rather family love. I live by my life, and i do what i think is right and good and essential for my life. I thought that i am independant enough. But, i found that i really need a companion. Who is matured enough to be loyal to me and know his priorities well. Also, know what to do at the right time at the right place.
Today during PE lesson, we played badminton. Then i played with 3 gals. After a while, he came over and joined me with the gals. I just don't know why, the moment he joined in the game, i got a sudden mood swing. It just happened so sudden.. Seeing him playing with the gals, enjoying himself makes me feel contented. But knowing that he won't stay for long makes me dull. I feel a tumour of pain growing in my heart. Getting more and more painful as i hear the clock ticks and see the dates go by. Well, i've already decided not to go to school next thursday during teachers' day celebration. I know myself very well. I hate the feeling of parting with somebody i love. I hate it too much. I feel an irony happening within me. Knowing it's impossible that both of us stead, but i still think of it so deeply. The thing which i feel very touched about him is, he knows i like him, but he doesn't avoid me. Not even once. But, when i get emotional at times, he knows and will always try to change the subject. Well, he doesn't want me to confess, and he does not want to admit, for fear of spoiling our friendship. But that's not the way. Well, i will control my emotions in front of him at times. But only on his last day in school, i know i will not be able to control my floodgates in my eyes. It'll just break off the resistence and finally i'll burst into tears.
Next i am going to talk about this particular guy in my class. His name is Vincent. I really don't like him sometimes. He just seemed to act smart and very action. He thinks he knows alot, and talks so much like an adult, trying too hard to prove himself to others that he's mature. That's immature alright. THere's a debate in class today. I'm on the proposition party. He's playing his part as an audience. And just because he couldn't answer a question and some points from me when his group had the debate, right before the debate of my group started, he told me ''you watch out''. WTF!!! He's getting so personal over it. That's what i call childishness. Well, yes he's not that shallow in his thinking but his mindset and attitute really turns me off. But after the debate, i didn't feel angry with him or anything, i just feel that he needs to be more open-minded and don't take things so tensed up. It really disgusts me. Many times he tried to be sacastic with me too. I just put it off. Why, because i'm not a person who love to fight over trival matters. i may be a sensitive person, but i try to avoid trouble at times. Well, nvm..just let him rot...
Ok, i have to turn in, really tired.
Join ME in my imagination. |
